It’s my why

I watch her hand shake as she reaches forward

I’m unsure if it’s the nerves or fear that caused the tremble in her voice

Is she afraid of making a mistake or nervous because she’s unsure?

I had to hold back the piece of me that desperately wanted to hold her hand and guide her.

I scolded myself “she can do this on her own”

And I know she can.

She can’t see that because she is clouded with fear.

I have been there. Afraid. Unsure. Desiring to make the right move But willing to admit you just don’t know what you’re doing.

Where do you go when you’re unsure? Where do you go when you need help? This is a question I’ve always wondered while growing up. It took a good 20 years for me to learn how to ask for help. I probably still haven’t found the right places to ask for it. That is why I’ve always wanted to be that source. I want to be a go to – a steady hand. Everyone needs a rock at some point in their life. I’ve always knew what I wanted to do in life, I just couldn’t explain it properly. This is it. It’s teaching. It’s helping. It’s being a nurse, or a friend. This is why nursing appealed to me. I stand by patients during what can be a dark time. I will be their rock. I will be what I can for them. But not just for them. My coworkers. Other nurses. Family members. I just feel somewhere inside me that’s what I was meant to do.